The moth and the star

When in school, I read this story about a moth and a star. It said that there was once a moth, which set his heart upon a certain star. He would set out every night to reach it but obviously failed and came back tired and worn out in the morning, but never gave up. His parents advised him to go after street lamps like every other moth but he never gave up. It gave him immense pleasure to go after the star, even though he could never reach it.

Similarly, thinking about it, we all are like the moth. We need our stars to chase. It can be something or someone. We might never get to it but just following it gives us immense pleasure.

I am a person who’s repelled by the idea of the love, the one that exists between two lovers. Pink, hearts, roses etc disgust me. I rebel the idea of falling for someone because I know, it’ll make me vulnerable; vulnerable to heartbreaks which I’ve always had, and I hate. It is so much of a mess just to get over someone! But, I have a confession to make. I have a star, like the moth had his. I’ve had many others in the past too. I know I can never reach the star; he can never be mine. But just having the crazy infatuation for him makes me feel a kind of joy. It’s not exactly the kind of happiness we all look for. I smile when I think of him. My heart skips a beat at the sight of him. I hold on to memories of the moments we shared. I dream of him often, and then wake feeling better and happier than ever. He’s the first and last thing on my mind. I feel very receptive of him, his feelings, his actions. If smiles, I’m happy; if he’s annoyed, it’s like the end of the world. I feel like a hopeless romantic. I feel very vulnerable. But I think I like it, in a way because it makes me feel capable of loving, capable of living, for someone, for a dream. And then, I empathise with the moth. J

P.S. By the way, the lame public display of affection that the couples ‘in love’ do still disgusts me. :P