My love

I love you. Yes, i love you. And every time I say it, I agree with it more. I love you the way you are, complete with your flaws and short comings, complete with your wisdom and glory, complete with your past, both in light and dark. Yes, I love you and you as a whole, not a part. I would give anything to have you. Then why don't I ask?

The answer lies within. I am afraid of what might happen. Though there awaits complete bliss, there's a possibility of losing you. I am afraid of what I’ll become; the worst version of myself. I am not sure if you will love me then, I am not sure if you will even want me then. And I am afraid of that.

I have convinced myself to let go the expectation of you. I have learned to satisfy myself in what I have of you, though somewhere I want more . I can live without you loving me back but I can't without you.

Yes, I’m fearful but with great courage I confess my immense and unconditional love to you. If at all u feel the same or over the time develop something, I will be right by you. But in case you don't, don't say a word; but accept my love.

I will love you always. Please take care.

Until then,

yours truly. 

A little filmy

Movies... Watching them is far more than just entertainment. They affect us deeper than we know, deeper than we want, deeper than we allow them too. I remember this one time when I saw d entire harry potter series in succession and then went out for a walk in the evening, looking suspiciously at everything. Could there be a door behind this? I wonder if there are wizards and witches in that restaurant pretending to be muggles... And then the next morning, all magic was broken. After a twilight series day, I kept thinking how stupid Bella is to give up on a living breathing and hotter (literally) Jacob!

Movies, they just stick in your head. M sure at one point of time, all of us, when there's a sad song on the radio and we are in a car, have just stared out of the window pane into nothingness, let the wind blow on our face n pretended as if the world is such a dark place n that we are surrounded by eternal gloom.

Movies and serials often make us perceive things way graver than they really are, sometimes creating useless and meaningless misunderstandings. Often we see only one character of people, like in movies, characterizing as heroes and villains; especially the villain. If he's the villain, he's gotta be bad and evil. He cannot have likes, dislikes, cannot be a good person making mistakes; he's just a bad guy and u gotta hate him. He cannot have a past, he is just bad. How much we forget that life is not all good or bad. People are not just good and bad. They are various shades of grey, and deeper or lighter is a matter of each individual's perception and how he behaves individually varying from person to person..

Sometimes however, this film illusion has its own advantages.. Today I saw it. When it was so difficult to let go of something, forgive someone, even though I had in my heart, to accept it to myself, a little filmy style did the job for me. I was listening to November rain and started walking d treadmill.. As d tempo of the song increased, so did my speed.. N by the last part which is a lil different from the rest of the song, I could actually feel myself letting go and by the end of it, when they stop playing, I stood there in the treadmill, sweating like a pig, but relieved of a lotta burden, just like in the movies.. J